2022
12/22/2022 | Sliding back into my own journal two months later with a frapp like someone showing up to lecture late lmao. Just in time for the end of the year too. Once again, been working on irl things! Reflecting on the last couple of years. Figuring out goals, if I want to pursue medical diagnosis for some stuff or just keep figuring it out in a more solo/community way, stuff like that. Trying to make time to celebrate how far I've come too as I tend to get bogged down with what still needs to be done, but I'm really proud of myself. I went into the panini a little crazy, and I am worse for the wear in many ways, but I've been able to grow and heal in some others.
It's snowed here this week! I'm super grateful for the extra quiet and brightness we've had because of it (esp because winter blues got me bad this year), but it's so, so cold. I don't think it's ever been this cold in the six years I've lived up here. I haven't left the house since it started because driving in show/ice makes my little desert heart go insane, but I'd already doubled down on groceries last week to avoid the Christmas rush. Unfortunately that means laundromat will have to wait until next week too. (I once again am aching for the day when I live somewhere with an in-unit washer and dryer again.)
Also this site turned a year old this month, how crazy is that! (Also it outlived the job I started the week before Dryad Glen went online, and that makes me chuckle a little bit too.) I'm happy that it feels so homey to so many of you, and I'm so so grateful to have you all here with me~ I can't wait for another year of making new little cozy nooks and secrets as we keep on keeping on! Happy birthday, Dryad Glen. =3
10/22/2022 | Happy fall, everyone! It certainly took it's time getting to western Washington this year, and the smoke from all of the fires has made it unseasonable uncomfortable, but I'm listening to some rain though the leaves as I type and happy that we're moving into cozy weather~
I hope you've been well. My break was good, lots of good family time and good crafty nonsense. I'm taking a beekeeping class for a state certificate which will set me up to do an apprenticeship way down the road when I'm hopefully able to have a small apiary. =3 I've also been looking at some other classes and events though some local organizations to keep me busy and learning.
I've only really made a few small changes around the site in the last couple days. Added some more sewing/crafting graphics, converted (hopefully) all of the webp files to gifs and updated appropriate pages, updated my neighbors links. We're close to a year since I started the site! And there's a little part of me that wants to change my primary layout, but it's still rolling around in my head without a specific direction, so we'll see what happens.
I did update my guestbook spotify playlist too! Thank you again to everyone who's signed it and shared a song~
09/03/2022 | Just dropping in to say hello! =3
I'm putting off packing for my trip home (which I leave for tomorrow >.>;;) because this is what I always do before trips, lol. I know what all I need to pack, I just need to actually do it at this point. I've been really anxious about this one for some reason? Idk if it's just because I've been more anxious this year in general or if there's something else, but I'm hoping it dies down once we get there tomorrow. (It could also be all the smoke blowing up from the wildfires now that I think about it. So maybe getting out of the PNW will be good until this dies down.)
It's been really good working on my non-digital hobbies too. I've read a few books in the last couple weeks, and I feel like my spinning is getting a lot better. Maybe I'll actually make enought spinning progress to have yarn and make something from it some day. X)
I've also been making more time for my brain stuff and resting. Make sure you all rest when you can, otherwise it'll catch up with you. Bodies are unfortunately good at making us listen when we don't want to, but it's been good being able to make space for myself in the ways I need to.
I'll be on when I can be, and I hope you all have a lovely week~
08/14/2022 | I'll probably be gone for a couple weeks after this update, and probably off and on through September. I've been taking more time for my non-digital hobbies (journaling, spinning, sewing, ukulele) and we're working on planning some travel to visit our families and take a weekend here and there for ourselves so my computer access will be a little sporadic.
I took over my and my partner's household duties and errands since I stopped working, and it's felt really good to have more agency and working toward something that more directlyl impacts me with my work. I've also had more time for like... cooking more than one pot pasta meals. I've made meatloaf and a breakfast casserole and some quick breads (none of which I'd tried before), and I'm hoping to keep up with that. Cooking is so strangely tied to my morale and mental health that I'm not sure it's something I can give up like that again.
On the otherhand, I feel like my head is swimming with thoughts and I can't distinguish one from another, like an endless ocean. Which is good, because I had just been flat out ignoring/compartmentalizing/dissociating to manage them while working full time, but also bad because it feels more overwhelming some days than others and depression is a crafty bitch. I kind of knew this would happen? But I have time and energy to address it and hopefully find some new systems that will work better for me even if they're unconventional.
I hope you're all doing okay. I know things are still hard for all of us right now, but I hope you're getting to at least do little things that make you smile or let you relax for a moment. We all deserve that kindness.
07/10/2022 | I know I've been on and tinkering around the site since my last update, but so much has happened irl. I got to see my parents and my brother for the first time in over a year (as well as my exteneded family for the first time in two), got to have an overnight get together with some friends last night (which I didn't realize how desperately I needed), gave my two week notice at my job this week (the one I started within days of making this site and has wreaked havoc on my body and mental health, oops), and summer is finally upon us!! June was so gloomy this year I was starting to get concerned I was never going to get to wear shorts this year.
Honestly tho, super grateful to my partner for being on board with me quitting to look for a new job full time. Other people in my life kept telling me to wait and that I'd get used to it, but if I'm chronically exhausted, dealing with more health issues than I started the job with, and feeling more brain bad than I have since high school, I don't think waiting is going to solve anything.
I have some house and home projects I need to get done while I'm not working full time, but I'm excited that it should mean I have more time to use at my discretion to connect with people. Not my strong suit even in the most ideal of conditions if I'm being honest, but I need positive human interactions in my life. I also might try just like... going to coffee shops to job hunt as an excuse to get out of the house. Because I'm getting a little too comfortable with being a homebody for my personal tastes.
Mostly though, I just want to rest. I don't know how I handled working full time before, and I don't know... I might just not be able to healthily ever work full time which concerns me a little, but that's for future me to mull over more. Now is the time to take care of me, and that's okay.
05/15/2022 | Thanks for 69 (nice) followers, y'all. B)
Honestly, that's it, that's the whole update, lol. Brain is still stewing on Bugsnax brainrot, still background plotting the demise of capitalism, still enjoying the coming warmth of summer. BUT ALSO MCR NEW MUSIC MY TEEN SELF IS STILL IMPLODING OVER THAT A LITTLE BIT. Like what year is it, y'all?
Make sure you drink some water and touch some grass or moss or something today. It's good for ur brain.
05/12/2022 | I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the future right now? My partner and I have been discussing our orginal plans for 2022 versus alternative plans to make a different long term plan work out. Like the kind of alternative plans that involve making excel spreadsheets and having important discussions with your landlord. There are certainly some kinks to work out (and potentially another shift in employment for one or both of us), but I think it might make the both of us happier in the long run.
Otherwise, I know I literally just complained about being overwhelmed by all of my hobbies last month, but I think after reflecting on it more, maybe I'm starting to make peace with it and how cyclical my attention is. It feels good to get to do things when they feel good instead of trying to force myself to stick with a certain hobby at a certain time. We're gonna try this for a bit and see if we make progress on the things we want to.
And FINALLY I can't in good conscience update here without mentioning that my partner and I have been playing Bugsnax and it is so, so cute! I love all of the critter design and the characters have far more depth than I ever expected. I love that it's pretty and requires some problem solving and has queer characters! Without question, Chandlo is my favourite, and if some bugsnax start sneaking their way onto the site, you know why, lol.
04/30/2022 | I honestly forgot how hard it feels to try to create when my body is actively waging war against itself, lmao. I was so looking forward to getting to build new stuff and be online through my work week, and then I woke up this morning with only enough energy to do the bare essentials and add some backlogged graphics. I'd wanted to build new things, write some thoughts on the things I love in a way I was satisified with, and work on planning my goals for may (here and irl), but instead I feel like I can barely manage this stream of conciousness writing while I binge Cardcaptor. (Which honestly I have not rewatched since it aired on Kids WB way back when in a completely different dub, but it is so sweet and i love the colors and design, and maybe I'll start working on a combination magical girl shrine soon, lol.) Be kind and gentle, friends. Both to yourselves and each other.
04/25/2022 | Sometime's it's important to remember that progress is rarely a linear thing. I'm definitely in a better place than I was earlier this year, but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling. It's been helpful rereading some of my old journals to give myself some perspective on how far I've come and to remind myself of things that have helped in the past. Brains are weird, and I'm just trying to be gentle with myself (which includes reorienting my expectations for long term life stuff, which is more than a little daunting).
04/11/2022 | Do you ever get overwhelmed by the number of hobbies you have? Too many choices, too much fun stuff to learn and enjoy and maybe get frustrated over, lol. I'm still in a mood where I want to work here, but I've also got some sewing to do and I want to keep improving my spinning and draw my fursona and I haven't picked up my ukulele in months and I finally went to the library for the first time since 2019 and have physical books to read again and and and! There's just so much I want to do and I never feel like I have enough time to do it all, especially now that I'm working full time again. I'm still striving to find some work-life balance so that I don't always feel like I'm just squishing my hobbies into spare minutes here and there, but that'll take time I think (and possibly a new job, which I'm not excited about hunting for even if I feel it may be necessary soon).
In other news, it only kind of snowed in my town over the weekend, like the slushiest wet snow that was too solid to be considered sleet but too slushy to be considered hail-adjacent, which was a relief to be honest. I am done with the snow and cold for the season and would like to plan trips without having to worry whether the mountain passes are closed or not (which they are right now). >.>;;
Also, TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I ADD GRAPHICS FOR A BIT. I have to stop myself somewhere, and I keep seeing more of y'all's sites and getting inspired to make new pages or clean up the ones I have! But also I *really* love hoarding graphics like a little digital dragon and also there are like a billion websites with cute fairy graphics and I want to save them all. ;o; So I'm going through my bookmarks today to get the last bits out and then hopefully I'll get working on my to do list (which I think I'm also gonna clean up today once I'm done importing graphics). [edit: jk it'll be next round of updates, forgot we have some errands to do today so website time will be shorter than expected today.]
04/07/2022 | Weird weather inbound for the PNW I guess? It was beautiful today (spring's really in full swing!) and I got to actually enjoy it since I was off. Still had to go run errands, but it was nice to spend it under sunshine and blue skies and come home to sit on the balcony and listen to the bees. uwu HOWEVER, I guess it might snow on Sunday?? Not much, but any snow this late in the season feels like freak weather, and I'm really just ready for more days like today!! Maybe finally shake off these last remnants of the winter blues too if I'm being super honest.
I'm also starting to feel like this site is becoming an excuse for me to hoard cute internet stuff again. Sometimes I get on here because I want to tinker around with the site, and then all I end up doing is looking for fun stuff and fun old sites using geocities and adding to my graphics pages, lol. I mean, I know it's my site, I'm under no obligation to like, *build* anything specific or coherent or on a deadline, but I do have a few half finished pages that could really use some sprucing up. ^^;
03/30/2022 | Happy birfday to me! And what a surprisingly nice birthday it's been. Despite my lack of analog journalling this year, I'd like to make sure I get around to it at some point. I had to work my normal 10-hour today, but my coworkers decorated my desk and made me wear a goofy hat and got me some cute gifts, which was so sweet of them. ;o; My manager also shares my birthday, and she bought lunch for everyone which was really nice. (and brought homemade macaroni salad??? i need to bother her for the recipe.)
My partner and I are talking about trying to take a small trip with some of the birthday money that I got too. We just need to get out of the house and have some time away from everyone up here. Not to mention we haven't travelled anywhere for fun (just family stuff) since... I think fall 2019? It may have been his birthday that year when we drove down to Portland, geez! Regardless, it's time to go somewhere, even if we just hole up in a cold campground for a night, lol.
My mom also managed to send a couple packages my way which was so sweet of her. It almost made me cry tbh. I've been so homesick, and between the literal pandemic and my worsening social anxiety, going home has felt so close to impossible lately. I know I will make it happen soon, but man, brain is still kicking my butt in so many ways. I'm just trying to remember to be gentle but push where and when I can. It's all we can do some days, and that's okay. Happy birthday world! I hope you all have a happy April ahead.
03/26/2022 | It's been so funny to realize that this is the happiest I've been with existing online in a very long time. I mean probably like 2018 at least? Between the changing face of how different social media platforms are used and then my own shushing of myself due to some irl issues, I had just kind of given up on everything except for tumblr, and only then, it was mostly because tumblr was still cuztomizable and had active communities for my interests. I'm happy to come back to coding and feeling like I can create even if my art skills aren't super wonderful. I'm happy to feel like I'm building another home online for myself. And while I know I don't necessarily comment on people's guestbooks/cboxes and such, it's nice to feel the sense of community over here on neocities. Thank you all for being so lovely and welcoming.
03/04/2022 | Long time no see, friends! Brain was being a little finicky there, but there's more sunshine and buds are sprouting on the trees and my neighbor's daffodils are blooming and the frogs are singing at night and the birds are migrating through for the season so peace has been restored. (or at least some brain stability to handle life a little better because world events are in a worse state now than they were when i was last here. >.>;;;)
after diving into making this site at a weird sprint, it was nice to step away and interact with some of my other hobbies for a bit! my brain is a little cyclical like that, but i've been getting back to journalling and replaying knights of the old republic 2 and stretching myself a little thin among all of the pokemon stuff that has been coming out. i also have been in a wild musical mood after watching centaurworld and have been listening to that soundtrack and the different hadestown cast recordings and fucking encanto which will not get out of my brain?? and i've been doing a little more language practice again which is good too.
ALL THIS TO SAY, i have way too many hobbies, but it's nice to realize that i've actually been making time for them even if it may not look like much to other folks. it really helps my brain stay in check.
01/23/2022 | Be gentle with yourselves friends, I feel like we all might need it. Brain took a nosedive there because.... well, life right now, i'm sure you can all imagine what's going on, but it was nice to log in and do a couple little things today. like tending a little garden.
i want this piece of the web to kinda be my escape from how not great things are, but it's hard to keep up with it when things get overwhelming and i have a hard time having the energy/motivation to create when that happens. on the bright side, my healthcare for my new job kicked in! so i can finally get some help in those arenas which is long overdue. i'm gonna take them one at at time so i don't further overwhelm myself as i all too often do, lol.
01/09/2022 | I hope the new year is treating you well, dear web explorer! Things have been... difficult at my end. Perhaps frustrating or upsetting would be more accurate? Another wave of the pandemic is hitting my area pretty hard, and while I am vaccinated, I'm still concerned for people's collective safety. Be careful out there folks, and most of all be kind to one another.