sheepsJuly to September


09/03/2022 | Just dropping in to say hello! =3

I'm putting off packing for my trip home (which I leave for tomorrow >.>;;) because this is what I always do before trips, lol. I know what all I need to pack, I just need to actually do it at this point. I've been really anxious about this one for some reason? Idk if it's just because I've been more anxious this year in general or if there's something else, but I'm hoping it dies down once we get there tomorrow. (It could also be all the smoke blowing up from the wildfires now that I think about it. So maybe getting out of the PNW will be good until this dies down.)

It's been really good working on my non-digital hobbies too. I've read a few books in the last couple weeks, and I feel like my spinning is getting a lot better. Maybe I'll actually make enought spinning progress to have yarn and make something from it some day. X)

I've also been making more time for my brain stuff and resting. Make sure you all rest when you can, otherwise it'll catch up with you. Bodies are unfortunately good at making us listen when we don't want to, but it's been good being able to make space for myself in the ways I need to.

I'll be on when I can be, and I hope you all have a lovely week~

08/14/2022 | I'll probably be gone for a couple weeks after this update, and probably off and on through September. I've been taking more time for my non-digital hobbies (journaling, spinning, sewing, ukulele) and we're working on planning some travel to visit our families and take a weekend here and there for ourselves so my computer access will be a little sporadic.

I took over my and my partner's household duties and errands since I stopped working, and it's felt really good to have more agency and working toward something that more directlyl impacts me with my work. I've also had more time for like... cooking more than one pot pasta meals. I've made meatloaf and a breakfast casserole and some quick breads (none of which I'd tried before), and I'm hoping to keep up with that. Cooking is so strangely tied to my morale and mental health that I'm not sure it's something I can give up like that again.

On the otherhand, I feel like my head is swimming with thoughts and I can't distinguish one from another, like an endless ocean. Which is good, because I had just been flat out ignoring/compartmentalizing/dissociating to manage them while working full time, but also bad because it feels more overwhelming some days than others and depression is a crafty bitch. I kind of knew this would happen? But I have time and energy to address it and hopefully find some new systems that will work better for me even if they're unconventional.

I hope you're all doing okay. I know things are still hard for all of us right now, but I hope you're getting to at least do little things that make you smile or let you relax for a moment. We all deserve that kindness.

07/10/2022 | I know I've been on and tinkering around the site since my last update, but so much has happened irl. I got to see my parents and my brother for the first time in over a year (as well as my exteneded family for the first time in two), got to have an overnight get together with some friends last night (which I didn't realize how desperately I needed), gave my two week notice at my job this week (the one I started within days of making this site and has wreaked havoc on my body and mental health, oops), and summer is finally upon us!! June was so gloomy this year I was starting to get concerned I was never going to get to wear shorts this year.

Honestly tho, super grateful to my partner for being on board with me quitting to look for a new job full time. Other people in my life kept telling me to wait and that I'd get used to it, but if I'm chronically exhausted, dealing with more health issues than I started the job with, and feeling more brain bad than I have since high school, I don't think waiting is going to solve anything.

I have some house and home projects I need to get done while I'm not working full time, but I'm excited that it should mean I have more time to use at my discretion to connect with people. Not my strong suit even in the most ideal of conditions if I'm being honest, but I need positive human interactions in my life. I also might try just like... going to coffee shops to job hunt as an excuse to get out of the house. Because I'm getting a little too comfortable with being a homebody for my personal tastes.

Mostly though, I just want to rest. I don't know how I handled working full time before, and I don't know... I might just not be able to healthily ever work full time which concerns me a little, but that's for future me to mull over more. Now is the time to take care of me, and that's okay.

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